God's gift

Over the past few days I have had an overwhelming feeling of 'rightness' wrap around me. I finally feel that I have found the direction I am supposed to head in for the next phase of my life that God has laid out for me. The desire has always been in my heart, but somehow I managed to cover it or pass it over as something that was not of significance--I was wrong. That desire is what I now know so fully as my place of 'rightness.' It is exciting and felt a little out of left field when that desire turned into a flame instead of a spark. I was talking with one of my professors about what a love I have for literature and reading of any kind, and she commented that she was surprised I was not majoring in english. I thought to myself, 'you know I am kind of surprised too.' I could not get those thoughts out of my head for weeks following that conversation, so I just lifted it up to God and simply asked for direction. Well then the tugging of my heart strings began, you know that tug where you know God is about to ask you to do something that scares you even though you know it is right. Well the tugging continued so I sought some advice of great friends and my family then I decided, I would once again change my major and this would be the final change--English Literature with a minor in Communications. I had a wonderful conversation with my former english rhetoric professor and the entire time she was talking all I could think about was how right it felt knowing this is what I would be studying and exploring. Then this past Sunday I had the honor of meeting and talking with author Brian Mclaren. He too majored in English and was once an English Professor. It was during this talk with him, that I know was a gift from the Almighty, that I felt God saying, "Ok do you get it now? You know you love this and I love it for you, so just go for it!" So I am not saying I know for sure which occupation I will hold with this degree, but I do know that after graduate school--where is still yet to be determined--I will entertain the idea of teaching in a University setting. It is just an idea and I know that there are many options, but it feels great knowing I am headed in the right direction even if I do not know the destination.

"Change comes like a little wind that ruffles the curtains at dawn, and it comes like a stealthy perfume of wildflowers hidden in the grass." -John Steinbeck

Falling into Fall...

I had the perfect start to the fall season last night. Eating outside at one of the best resturants in town followed by a walk by the river with the love of my life. The night was clear and the temperature was perfect. I love everything about fall, the colors of the trees, football, the crisp air, and all the great jackets. Everything feels so refreshed when autumn arrives as though we have been wrapped in a comoforting blanket of blue sky and yellow trees. The feeling of crisp refreshment that fall brings is how I imagine the feeling of walking with the Almighty. The feeling just floods your spirit and soul with contentment. I wonder if that is how Adam and Eve felt during their afternoon times with the Almighty. I like to think that it is, because it seems so poetic, the friendship and love the had for one another. When I do get the lovely chance to walk by myself on a cool fall day I feel as though the Almighty is walking beside me, both of us just content to walk and talk to eachother as old friends madly in love with one another is the most precious way possible.

Low tide

For so long I have walked along during high tide. Walking carefully on the strip of the path still visible, not yet swallowed by the waves. Though sometimes rocky and jagged I clung to the path with all I had, for at times it seemed as though I had nothing else. I have been walking this path for so long now that I just took a moment to stop and stare as I saw the waves in front of me slowly start to decline. The tide had ever so slightly began to decrease leaving in front of me a smooth untouched path. As I gathered what breath I could catch I continued to walk, leaving my uneven footprints as I went. I knew this day would come when I finally felt as though I had breathing room, room to stretch and relax. The day had arrived and the path only continues to slowly emerge from the lapping waves. I know it will not happen in one swift movement, it will continue to be a process, of that I am certain. So I choose to continue walking the slowly appearing path, giving thanks to the Almighty all the way for his enduring mercy.

Revolutionary Road

I went to see Revolutionary Road about a week ago with a group of friends. I had not seen many previews for it at all. In fact, all I really knew about it was that Leonardo Dicaprio and Kate Winslet were starring in it, so I knew I wanted to see it. Let's face it they are one of the greatest on screen couples in movie history. So I went in to the movie thinking it would probably be another triumphant love story or maybe it would be tragic like Titanic. Well it was nothing like my pre concieved notions, that's for sure. It was however, tragic. It was tragic in that poetic way that reaches your soul, breaks your heart, and powerfully moves you all at once. It was a movie that once again reminded me how important the big dreams of life are, and how giving up on those dreams can pain you forever. Not that everyone will reach those big dreams they want to, but the fact that so many of us don't reach at all for them or we give up on them prematurely is the tragic part. When did this idea of the American dream trap us into believing we only have a select window of time for achieving greatness? When did we trade no boundaries for picket fences, overseas discoveries for soccer games? When did so many people decide to stop striving for something greater than themselves? Knowing so many have made that decision breaks my heart for them, but also knowing that so many refuse to settle and refuse to give in is what keeps me striving for what is beyond the stars. I think the Almighty would want us to believe anything is possible and that we can achieve it with Him, we just have to decide to do it and believe in it with our whole hearts, refusing to give in. That is where greatness begins, that is where revolutions are born.

"Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want. Do you have it? Good. Now, believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is going to come from, the next smile, the next wish come true. But, if you believe that it is right around the corner and you open your heart and mind to the possiblitiy of it. The certainty of it. You just might get the thing you were searching for. The world is full of magic, you just have to believe in it. So make your wish. Do you have it? Good. Now believe in it with all your heart."
-One Tree Hill

first steps

I have this longing in my spirit, this longing for something great, something radical, something earth changing...one problem, I do not know what that something is. Go figure. I have been consumed for several months for something different. I have an itching to be moved, not necessarily literally changing locations physically, but I need to know where I am going. Where is this life I lead headed? I know it will be a place of goodness and greatness for that is what I pray and long for, but what will it entail? How will it look? Where will it be? So many questions circling me and consuming my mind, yet there is an underlying current of peace. I guess I feel as contradictory as that sounds, I am in a whirlwind of emotions yet I feel grounded in peace, to be honest though I am feeling a little dizzy. I am praying and searching for that silver lining, the one bright star to point me in the right direction atleast. I have all these ideas of what I may want to do, what I feel called to, but how will they connect? How will they fit together when they are so widespread? It is such a blessing for humanity that I am not God because I haven't the slightest idea where to start. I just continue to pray and seek. Yet my soul still hungers for the silver lining to light my path, even just the first steps that is all I need, the first steps. After that atleast I'll know where I'm headed and I can just jump, hold my breath and leap into greatness. I just need the light to see my first few steps.

He'll find me

"Lost and insecure You found me, you found me Lying on the floor Surrounded, surrounded Whyd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you? Just a little late You found me, you found me." --You found me by The Fray





I claim to follow this all powerful God, capable of anything even the impossible. Yet, even though I know this in my heart to be true so often I forget to believe it for myself. He can do the impossible-He is limitless, nothing can stop Him. So why do I forget? I guess because I am human. This shouldn't be an excuse though, I should always remember this no matter what, God will always find me. God can make the impossible possible, He has done it so many times already. This realization came back to my mind tonight, thanks to my heroic earthly father. He too will always find me, he always knows what I need to hear and he can always remind me to reach just beyond the impossible because if the desire of your heart is from God, He can make it reality for you. Nothing miraculous happened tonight in fact, I was feeling pretty hopeless, but yet God used my dad to find me. To remind me that He can do anything and I get the easy of the deal, all I have to do is believe. All I have to do is believe....

The Pilot

"Let the rain kiss you. Let the rainbeat upon your head withsilver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby."

-Langston Hughes

I have loved the rain for as long as I can remember. The sound singing me to sleep, the feel on my face, the smell just after a spring rainshower. I was the child who always went running outside as soon as the rain started, jumping in puddles and running around letting it consume me. To be honest, I am still very much that child, I rather walk through the soft rainshowers without an umbrella and with my face up. I know most people count down the minutes until the storm is over, but I soak up each second of it. Thunderstorms are one of the most incredible forces of nature in the world, the sound, the light, and of course, the rain. It is so beautiful, so strong. Just think after each storm the sun has to shine at some point. When it does it reveals a refreshed world, everything is greener, brighter, healthier. The rain renews life and everything in it. Storms in our lives do this too, sure when you are caught in the middle of it and you feel exposed and weak it can be terrifying. It is then though that you have to rise up and find the strength that the Heavenly Father has given all of us to make it through the storm, to let the rain consume us. The strength He has blessed us with allows us to face the storm with our heads held high and look into the face of the obstacle, knowing He is with us and we will make it through this. The rainbow we see after the rain is a promise from Him afterall, a promise of faithfulness and love, remember that next time you feel caught in the rain. Take the opportunity to find your strength and believe that when it is over you will see the rainbow He has sent just for you.