"On such a full sea are we now afloat..."

"There is a tide in the affairs of men. Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. But omitted, and the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat, and we must take the current when it serves- or lose the ventures before us."

-William Shakespeare, from Julius Caesar

It has been said that one moment can change your life. I believe that is true. The moment you say I love you for the first time, when he asks and she says yes, when they hold their newborn child for the first time, or when you lose someone you love. Moments that can change your life happen all the time and this summer has been made up of life changing moments for me. I have been dropped into the middle of something completely new and unknown for me. It has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life, filled with such wonderful people. I hold so many precious memories from this place that I know it will always be a part of me. I changed this summer and I think it is a change for the better. I am still me, but I feel a much bigger peace about who I am and what God wants to do in me and through me. Haiti is now and forever holding a piece of my heart. That place is in such need for love and help, yet they all give love so freely it is astounding.

I have been afloat in this experience for 7 weeks now, which means in 3 weeks I will be home. Bittersweet emotions run through me about leaving. I can hardly wait to see my family, my love, and my friends back home, but my heart aches thinking about leaving my friends that I have made here. I know that I will see them again, hopefully soon I will be able to come back up here and visit and just be with them. I know I have to come back to this place, it is only a question of when. That is how I feel about Haiti too, I will go again, I have to. It is amazing to me how often I forget about just how surprising God can be. He directs our lives in these directions that confuse or worry us, but when we get there we wonder how we ever thought anything else could have worked for our lives. This summer has shown me up close and personal how God can work in any situation He puts you in. Especially the ones where we choose to let go of control and just trust, that is when He works in ways that will blow your mind. That is when radical things happen, when we get out of the way. Thank you God for bringing me here and showing me how to get out of the way so that you could move in my life. I pray that the tide continues to cascade over me so that I may stay afloat and take the current when it serves your purpose.

Diving

Leaving for New Hampshire today. How did we already get here? The time leading up to this trip has flown by. There are so many emotions running through me I am surprised I am able to stand. Nervous, Excited, Hopeful, Adventure hungry, Scared, Peaceful...I am sure over the next two and a half months I will feel many more emotions; most of which I won't be able to pin point exactly what they are. I do know one thing will stay constant throughout, I know this is what I am supposed to do, what God wants for me.
So the other emotions can continue to swirl and I will strive to just focus on this being God's will. I fear that if I try to focus on anything else, the emotions swirling within me will just lift me off the ground and send me spinning. So as I have said before, I stand on the edge of my diving board with my knees shaking. At 5:30 today I will take a huge breath and dive off the board. I will let you know how I feel after I hit the water...

The Diving Board

This summer holds opportunites for me to stretch my comfort zone and continue to open up my world view. I feel as though God is on the brink of breaking open something in me. Though I think that each time we allow our world view to be widened God always breaks open something new within our hearts. We have to make room for all of the people our world view will now be encompassing so naturally we as individuals must shift to accomodate that change.

I just pray that I allow myself to be open enough to whatever God is on the brink of in me, that it does not just break in evenly and slowly, but that it may burst through me and engulf my very being. I want to be surrounded by this "newness" so that it may become my reality. It has been said that it is best just to dive straight in to a pool instead of immersing yourself step by step. I believe this, I always have. I think that if we are opening ourselves to a change that we know God has intended for us then why be hesitant? Why take it one step at a time? Why not just jump in and believe that the faith He has given us is enough, because it is.

I am nervous though, I am scared. I will be standing on the edge of my diving board with my knees shaking, but still I will stand there determined to embrace whatever the Almighty has in store. I am someone who loves change. It is scary, true. But when it is a change that you know has to happen for the greater good then it is exciting because all you know is that whatever the unknown may be it is going to improve things. What is there not to look forward to abou that? I know this summer is going to improve me, improve my faith, and therefore improve my life. So I wait with my knees shaking just preparing for the moment when I can take a deep breath and plunge into what lies ahead.

Toughen me up

With big dreams come even bigger responsibilities. I truly believe this. If you want something bad enough, something that most may deem as impossible, you must be willing to fight, and fight hard for it. When I pray for things sometimes I forget that it is a two person job. If God is going to honor my prayer then I have to honor the blessing He is giving me, I can't just expect for it to happen with out any effort on my part. In fact I have found that sometimes I have to give much more effort than I even knew I had, because it is that important. If it is something that moves your soul you can't give it half of your thought and work it has to be tended just like a garden, given constant care and belief. My maternal grandparents plant a huge beautiful garden every year and when I was little I used to think that what made those tiny seeds that I help to plant actually grow was some sunshine, water, and Papaw's belief that they would. I still believe that, if you are expecting something to grow and flourish you have to believe that it will or else why will God put effort into it if you are not willing to also. It is just a fact that life is hard a lot of the time. It seems to get especially hard when you are on the brink of something great, you know why? Because life wants to make sure you are cut out for what is ahead because most of the time the great event about to take place is going to change you forever. This change can be beautiful and exactly what you need, but you have to work to get there and you have to be tough enough to take the change and face it head on. Life toughens all of us up that is for sure and even though it hurts and is hard I am glad it is that way. I want to do radical things for this world, things that only point to the one who made me just for this purpose. I believe in what I want to do for the Kingdom and if I want to be a radical warrior for Him then I definitely cannot be weak. I have to be strong and strong enough that when times get hard I just lean on the promise of belief I have in Him and in His purpose. I know I am not there yet I still have a lot of strength training to do yet, but I want to get there. I will get there even if all I have is some sunshine, water, and belief.